Breaking News: Humans still haven’t figured out how to get along, and in some offices, not even close. Here we look at five of the most annoying office pet peeves and how you can try to survive them.
1. The Battle for the Speakers
Omar likes hardcore gangster rap, Sarah likes old school rock, Youssef likes east African music and Dina likes Gregorian monk chants. None of them are willing to listen to anything else. Co-existence in this specific office is a tall order.
We suggest taking turns on the speakers, but honestly- when does that actually work? Unless there’s a stopwatch going off every 10 minutes to mark a rotation; someone will feel like they’re not getting enough DJ time and will attempt a revolt. Ultimately, the best way is for everyone to get their own headphones.
2. Funky Smelling Lunches
Eggs and tuna are very yummy and full of protein. Garlic is a fantastic source of manganese and Vitamin b6. We just don’t think the office is the best time to catch up on your nutritional quotas. Also, Sally can smell that “beid and basterma” sandwich all the way from across the room and she doesn’t look too thrilled. The fact that it’s from Zooba doesn’t make it less smelly.
We suggest: Unless you’re doing this on purpose as some form of passive-aggressive biological warfare; please think of the innocent noses.
3. Enthusiastic Cellular Communications
This is a very modern phenomenon where people get so emotionally invested in their phone calls that they forget that they’re not alone in the room. These charged phone calls can be about bills, marital problems or just bad cell service. It doesn’t seem so bad but it’s actually pretty scary and awkward. You’re forced to peek into their private lives whilst thinking about how your now shattered ignorance was such bliss. You also have to put on your very best ‘I-can’t-hear-a- thing-I’m-very-busy-browsing-Facebook’ face. If you find yourself in this situation, we don’t really have a fix for it. Sorry.
4. Personal Space
We know that sometimes you need to take a look at a colleague’s laptop screen, but if they can feel your warm and moist breath on the back of their neck, they will honestly feel very uncomfortable. If they can physically feel your heartbeat you are way too close, my friend. Human interaction is guaranteed if you’re working with other humans in an office, but sometimes the concept of private space is taken as a suggestion and not a necessity.
Our suggestion: Give others around you their space, and for you to guarantee yours, go crazy on dem eggs, tuna and beid and basterma sandwiches. It will for sure give you the amount of physical space that you desire and more. You just didn’t hear it from us.
5. That’s Mine!
Realizing that your earphones has been used by someone other than yourself will result in a hot and constrictive sensation that starts in your stomach and then gradually moves up your body. This feeling is also a symptom of receiving a pen that you lent out to someone only to find bite marks all over it. To avoid this being done to you, we suggest: Vandalize all your assets with your name in sharpie. Getting a face tattoo will help too.
By Nada Moharam